day 98 - ONE HOUR RUN 3.5 to 4 miles (still not sure on mileage)

almost 100 days since my 'better health' journey began. wow. one hundred days. over 3 months. i am very proud of myself.

since changing my diet i have gone from a size 8 down to a size 5/6, my nails, skin and hair glows. my energy is amazing, my periods are lighter and barely noticeable discomfort wise, and i have started my running again...along with some strength training, squats, sit ups, and lunges/toning exercises.

i have allowed a little more sugar than usual the second half of june to creep back into my diet. i notice with the sugar, my left breast begins to ache a little a week before my P. it is a challenge to omit sugar completely from my diet...and i have also been a bit more lax on the coffee.

i enjoy certain things in my diet and will have those things when i desire them...but not daily :) only when i have a craving. i refuse to deprive myself of anything :)

RUNNING :)
tonight i took off at 8pm for a run....and i ran a whole hour non stop....almost. i ran too soon after eating a big meal...and paid for it with both a stitch and a sour stomach thru the run, but i pushed through it and finished the hill up to my house one hour after leaving :) it was beautiful.

i pushed thru the first 15 to 20 minutes and soon after discovered that high that i had lost all these years. my body tingled and i felt as if i could run forever. i got into a beautiful rhythm and i felt so happy to be running again. i promised myself that this would be my 'inner space' time at least 4 nights a week.

running from 8-9 is perfect for me. the kids are in bed, and david is usually doing his own thing. i have recommitted myself to my first love, running..and i think i have found a great time to run :) the mornings are a bit hectic and i find that i am not able to enjoy the run because i am pushing the stroller. however, i think that all that pushing really strengthened my cardiovasc. b/c when i run alone, i have so much more endurance than i ever have :)

i have also taken my measurements - june 22.

size 6

bust 37
waist 30
hips 38
thigh 21

my goals are a size 2 and

bust 36
waist 26
hips 36
thighs 19

===================================================

i hope to lose a few inches by july 22...since i am upping my running and committing to a 4 to 5 day run week...i am prayerful that i will attain these goals by at least summers end.

i am looking at a long term goal and keeping next summer in mind....my biggest goal by next summer....wear a 2 pc bikini...or at least one of these;



I am ever so hopeful...

and yes. i will get there.











TRAINING LOG:

what i ate today:

saturday morning coffee time with david - some sugar and ff half and half...about one cup max.

hemp/cocao smoothie (G&B's) with half water half almond milk/ frozen banana and jp's, stevia
wahoos salad with appx 6 to 8 oz mahi on bed of greens, with tiny amount of cheese, some guac and low fat dressing. about half cup of black beans

water

frozen yogurt, nf with 4 tsp of crumbled pb cups

hungry by bedtime, so i had half cantalope, half granola bar and banana with 2 tsp of almond butter.

RUN:

by about 20 minutes in i was relaxing into the run. food had not digested by the time i left for run...note to self...don't do that again. side stitch was baaaad, but i am proud to say i pushed thru. i stopped and walked about a minute, 3 times into run. stopped to pee at the park, and ran duration home without stoppping, even up the hill on carnation back to the house.

i left at 8 on the dot and returned 9 on the dot. i wanted to cry...i did an hour long run for the first time in my life and felt fabulous the entire time ::mentally:: - physically it was a bit of a challenge...but like i said, i pushed thru.

day 87

still going :)

ok. so today i went to target to try on some bikinis. 3 words. oh.my.gaaaaaawwwwd!

the bad news.
i have serious cellulite on my thighs and tummy...ugh.

the good news.
i am working out again and running/toning.

so ok. i am 41 now and have had 4 babies. one of them less than 2 yrs ago. i have to give myself a little break here. i know that i will not be at my optimum this side of summer. i will deal with it.

BUT! and this is a big but! by next summer, i will more than just 42. i will turn every freeking head on the beach!!!!! yah baby! yeah!

my weight has slowed a bit. and i re-thinking this raw food thing. yes, i have been high raw for 87 days....i am a size 6, and when i stand naked in the mirror, i see at least another 10 to 15 needs to come off in order for me to feel comfortable in my body again. this is just being honest. my friends are kind and tell me that i look good now....and in my clothes, i feel nice again. :) but on the beach is another story.

i am surprised that being high raw has not offered me more weight loss. i was hoping to be a size 4 by now. it is coming off slowly....and i am getting a little frustrated. as a high raw, food combining vegan, i was hoping for a little more weightloss at this point. it has almost been 3 months. i have lost inches....but boy....i must have been alot fatter than i realized when i began. i still do not know my weight....but i do know that most of my pre wedding clothes are baggy now on me...which would put me under 130. and i started this thing at 144. so i have lost 15 lbs almost to date. about a lb a week :) i am doing good.

i just wish to lose 2 lbs a week. now that i am working out 30 to 60 minutes running/walking/ and toning daily...i hope to be on that track. i am also going to stop eating a whole avo and go back to the half a day :) fruit mostly til 2ish...smoothies with one banana only, and greens greens greens.

today:
jp smoothie with frozen banana, tbl udo's oil, jp fruits, and stevia

about 100 cals of rice cakes (shopping with girls at target)

work out: 20 minutes of video/ 10 minutes of elliptical followed up with upper arms/squats

half of coconut water
half a melon
2 apples
handful of almonds

for dinner, i am planning on a big veggie salad with hard boil egg whites.

day 81

just this week i have began my running again....also lifting/toning and riding the bike too. my legs are killing me and i did the 10 min. abs as well...

my body started to feel less and less inclined to 'cleanse' and i noticed my regularity slowing down alot this past month. since running again, the past 2 days, i have begun cleansing and have 'gone' quite a few times today :)

this is of great interest to me since i ate black beans yesterday, and they usually stop me up...
hmmmmmmmmmmm...something to take note of...running has been great for my cleansing :)

i have put myself back onto less sugar...i was getting a little lax there with the sweets...just b'day party foods....brownies, ice cream...not alot, but a few bites here and there.

i have decided to renew my commitment to my running..and adding weights and sit ups to my daily regime. i will run every day / every other. i feel so good when i do and my body is responding :)

my food is down pat now, i am balancing out as a 'vegan'...no caffiene or sugar or dairy or meat. :) yay.

day 74

odd: my period made it's presence, and then quickly dissappeared. however, i feel it...like i have not felt it in a while since beginning E2L.

another thing, i am becoming a bit bored with 'raw'. i love sharing and breaking bread with my family and eating separate from them has some emotional disadvantages for me. i am going to stay with vegan, high raw til dinner and eat with my family....i am still avoiding flesh with the exception of fish. and i enjoy making dinners we all enjoy together....on the nights i will do salad only for me, i will prepare them a chicken dish.

i enjoy eating fruit til lunch, and then munching on raw salads or more fruit...or smoothies. i do however think that i will be incorporating saturday morning 'pancake' breakfasts - vegan style at least 2 times a month or so.

tonight we are heading out to bucca's for my 'bday dinner' with the kiddos. i am looking forward to having some pasta or their wonderous veggie pizza...they do that the best :)

day 72

*period: 25 day cycle

*feeling bloated and unusually constipated for about a week

*i have had a little more seeds and nuts than usual on top of eating cooked dinners and some cooked lunches.

*feeling 'out of control with my emotions and my diet.

*depression - caused by external circumstances

why do i allow myself to get off balance with my morning walks (aka fitness + sunshine = happiness/balance)

this past week was more about food combining, and 'cooked' vegan than raw. also alot of sugar was added back into my diet as we celebrated austin's bday, my bday and i was feeling rather defeated emotionally.


my period is here again. this time around i feel it in my legs and back. and also my breasts feel tender. oddly, i have slowly began my descent into more cooked lately...just the holiday, bdays' and emotions that have really got me off track. i am struggling to stay connected to this way of eating.

i found a wonderful new blog today that has been a little shot in the arm of inspiration for me...and here is a snippet of goodness that i know i will refer to in order to stay on track...;

My Top Ten Health Factor List
1) Diet - yes, it DOES have significant importance!

2) Exercise/fitness - if put together with diet, you're likely to see incredible results.

3) Sunshine - no, the sun is not bad for you. It is crucial for you, despite the taboo about it.

4) Fresh air - may seem impossible for some of us, but try your best anyway.

5) Clean water - Distilled or reverse osmosis preferable. And get nature-distilled water as much as you can from fruit!

6) Rest - In years past I have been very deficient in this one, and the next one:

7) Sleep - deep rest - next to impossible for Moms of young children, but since I'm useless when I'm sleepless, I did pro-actively guide my children to sleep through the night. No flamin' please. ;)

8) Emotional wellness - I feel that many of us only give this one lip service. I have realized that even if I master the first 7 health principles listed, if I get stressed, angry or troubled, that these emotions will overtake my entire body and soul. These health principles aren't necessarily in order, but if they were I'd put emotional wellness in the no. 1 spot.

9) Spiritual connectedness - There is a grounding, a safe comforting peace that comes with being spiritually connected to something bigger than yourself. I find this peace essential for my overall health.

10) Purpose in life - If I didn't have a purpose in life, I wouldn't care about my health. :)

also, i had an epiphany about the 811 diet...(basically fruit all day till dinner of greens and veggies) while i was on the fruit flush, my itchy scalp/dandruff came back. i was reading a raw food gurus' sight about dandruff being caused by meat and dairy consumption. oddly, the first 5 weeks of my E2L diet had cured my scalp problem apparently. soon after being on the fruit flush for one week, my dandruff came back.

so i wondered, was i just not getting enough fat in my diet doing fruit all day? was this diet wrong for my health and wellness? or was i just going into a deeper well of detox and the byproducts of the meat/dairy still residing coming up at a faster rate? hmmm. i wonder.

all in all, i have loved eating fruit all day til noon...by about 2 ish, i am ready for low sugar fruits like my toms and avo's and cucumbers.

*i am also happy to report that as of this week i have added dulse and arame into my diet :) also, sesame seeds (roasted cus i love them that way) and tofu too :)...but i try to get these into my diet about 3 times a week....which has been a challenge the last few days because every one has been sick and i have been overwhelmed taking care of everyone....ontop of it being my bday.

day 65

emotions and food:

this past weekend was memorial weekend. we were on the go for the most part...and after a week of some pretty anguishing moments, i was left feeling really worn down and exhausted. david had friday off and his mom was there to watch the kids...so we decided to take a few hours for lunch and some shopping.

for the first time, i felt deeply frustrated with my new way of eating. i was too tired to think let alone stress about food and finding a place we both liked, where i could eat a healthful lunch. it was cold and raining hard and i just wanted a nourishing soup. i did not want a flesh based broth...i just wanted what i wanted and yet we both did not know where to go. i was also too exhausted to think about preparing something nourishing at home. i just really needed a day out, away from all stress and here i was stressing about 'my eating'.

the sad diet is not for me...but trying to find a relaxing place to eat good healthy fruits and veggies and a properly combined meal, is almost nearly impossible these days. until i lose this extra weight, i am determined to stay on track. but life right now is becoming a bit much for me. this morning i read a scripture about troubles coming from outside and from inside...this is me right now. davids family issues, austin issues, the higher cost of living and feul, the possible loss of the cs income, david being in this dead end job with such little pay....i am stressing out too much....just waaaay too much.

i think it is all the harder on me because i am still detoxing and have given myself over to these emotions and not to food. i have had my moments....like last night....i made ani phyos nut 'cookies'with coconut and almonds in them. i ate too much of it. nuts i have learned are hard on my body to digest...so i am thinking i will soak them for when i need them.

preparing uncooked foods:

to be honest, with my already busy life, 'uncooking' is very time consuming and not for a 'fly by the seat of my pants' person like myself. i am talking with regards to dehydrating breads etc. and more staple like items. with a family of 6, it is not economical or practical. it would be easy to eat this way if it were only me...but i am rethinking investing in an expensive dehydrator...i mean, i will buy the sprouted grain breads at fresh and easy or ezekial. also, 'soaking nuts' to make the desserts....no thank you. i don't want that many nuts in my system anyway.

i enjoy eating fresh salads, and am just now adding more sea weeds to my diet too :) i find that my favorites are cucumbers with tom's and avo's with anything :) i enjoy smoothies for breakfasts and snacks, and fruit salads mid morning or sometimes for lunch too. i also love fish and recently tofu too :) seseme seeds on tofu with a good dressing and over a salad..or farm fresh hardboiled eggs, warmed and over a bed of greens.

Pants buttoning now :)

finally...those pre-wedding pants are buttoning. i have my thin, thinner and thinnest jeans now hung up in my closet...and my j.crew jeans (size 6) are loose everywhere, but the waist. i have so much extra fat around my belly it is amazing. that is my worst area and the cellulite around my uppper thighs in the back..which apparently is pretty obvious in my bathing suit on the beach. :(

i wish more than anything that i could just get this fat off of me....i want to have body confidence again. i am 41 in 5 days...and i am beginning to really want to turn back that clock and be 'young and beautiful for as long as i can....

enough babbling on. i am just very low these days. i am admittingly struggling and i do not want to focus on it.

IT IS WHAT IT IS....

i need to give it to God and seek out the rest i so need right now.

DAY 62

hmmm. so much has been happening on my journey. emotional pitfalls have been challenging. austin decided to go and live with his dad. i don't want to get into it all here in this blog...but to say that it was done in a hurtful way, some things he said really brought me down to my lowest point...and i found myself 'smoking' a cigarrett or 2. omgsh. i mean for me to light up in the middle of a cleanse, it was that painful for me.

i completely bypassed the 'comfort via food' arena and went straight for the instant 'i need a nicotine calm me down surge pronto'....of course, this is my own dirty little secret. no one knows...i almost got caught smoking in the back yard by david...but it was dark and he did not see me put it out.

ok on to a better day now..

so in a nutshell...i think my weightloss has hit a platue again. my honeymoon jeans are tight around my waist still. my belly has the most fat and is taking its sweet time. they fit well all over, but that one area. my belly still has rolls and i have a long way to go if i keep going so slowly at this pace. i am trying not to get frustrated.

i eat high raw (low fat) all day til dinner, and i will usually have a ton of raw veggies, or salad with avo or fish with veggies....i have been a little more lax with the grains/breads this week...considering how emotional i have been and how my body has craved carbs during this time.

i also noticed that i am not drinking enough water....i pretty much drink only water, or herbal tea and avoid caffiene other than greet tea. i live on the smoothies....and have not juiced this week much. i am going to begin the juicing all week next week and hope to lose some more by my bday.

right now i am off track mentally....cant you tell? i am focused on the weight. not the health....but the weight. i am still going strong and good...but i find that i slacked here and there....and boy, my body seems to just put everything on hold while i do that.

i noticed that beans/legumes slow my digestion. so i am steering clear of eating them more than once a week. also i need to stay away from rice/grains, at least, eat them in moderation....i do not what i weigh but i noticed my body is very different now from pictures of me one year ago.

i was so fat...and at the time i did not get how fat i looked. i notice it now....why not then? it scares me alot...i wonder if what i see now is really i 'see'. what i saw then was not what i see of me now back then....ugh. it freaked me out.

we went to the beach last weekend and i was able to walk about with my bathing suit on....i felt thinner but still in comparison with the younger babes swarming all around us, i felt really fat and ugly. i hate that and i know i sound like i am being harsh on myself right now, because well i am!

i still have a long way to go and i get so impatient. i am keeping on this path and losing very slowly...exercise came to a hault the last 2 weeks....why do i do that to myself? i have felt so very down over this emotional stuff and i have allowed it to hault me and steer me off course.

i need to NOT do that ... i need to continue with my work outs...i am wanting to get a few things...a rebounder, a dehydrator and a good blender...

tonight i made some raw cookies with some fresh coconuts from ani phyos recipe book...they were yummy to me....but david was not that into them. i think because of the way our taste buds have become different. i love that i can appreciate the taste of living foods so much more now...but i know when i 'cook' for others, it tastes different to them...anything too sweet for me is not sweet at all for them. odd...

DAY 58

today david treated me with a surprise ! he passed by an asain market on his way home for lunch and picked up 2 young thai coconuts! oh wow...we cut into them right away and i made us chocolate coconut jp smoothies with the coconut water and we indulged with the flesh :) it was yummy.

i also finally got my ani's raw food kitchen book from amazon (along with jeni's bible and sitd) i am truly inspired to start dehydrating those crackers and breads.

today i am nibbling on a cucumber salad/tomato tofu salad mixed with lf asian ginger dressing (annies) and sprinkled with sunflower seeds :) yummo!

i have had some eomtional days since beginning my raw journey and i have learned to deal with my emotions without the comforts of my 'comfort foods' facing my emotions head on has been scary, but i have grown closer to God because He has been able to heal me without the 'use' of my usual suspects...food.

day 52 of high raw diet

well...it has been 52 days. wow. almost 2 whole months. i am so proud of myself. i do feel better eating this way. i am on my P and like i said before, my goal to stay well nourished in my cycle to ensure energy after the P ended. i am on the last day or 2. it is lighter than before this time around.

i am not sure the fruit all day is working for me tho. my itchy flaky scalp came back and although i am getting fat in at dinner and in my morning smoothie with the flaxseed, there is something missing. i noticed it was gone by week 6 of E2L, but one week after starting the fruit flush i noticed it came back. this week, (week 2) it is back with as worse as ever.

so i am returning to high raw with fruit only in the am til lunch and then i am going to add some seeds, and a little more fat to my diet. i am starting to see the fat on my belly, hips and but go :) and that makes me happy. i am going to up my greens...and enjoy eating that way for all around better health.

fruit all day was a bit too much for me and to be honest, my body did not release that much fat. as promised in jay robbs books. i felt like gagging some days if i had one more 'sweet' tart meal. i need more balance.

another thing i am noticing about the raw food community...at least those on gi2mr...they are all so rigid. their self talk in the forums is about failure if they have 'cooked' food. it is sad to see and really bumming me out. i am not sure any of those people really do know what they are talking about. God is a God of balance. and health is my main goal here....100% raw may not be the healthiest thing for my body....some cooked foods here and there are good and i am sticking with that.

there is more to life than just what one ingests orally, there is the spirit to eating and enjoying the eating....to take the joy out of eating is like taking the life out of living. you are left with dust...and i want my food to be nurturing and good. and so does God...that is apparent to me.

*this am i had fresh squeezed organic valencia oj first thing. it felt good getting enzymes in my empty belly first thing.

*soon thereafter, i had a jp smoothie with banana, extra tsp of G&B cocoa, flaxseed and one cup of almond milk.

it is now 2pm and i am feeling peckish so i am off to have a cucumber, tomato and avo salad :)

i really am looking forward to adding back some nuts into my diet. perhaps i will have some almonds today too :)

i am in love with ecco in claremont, they have a raw food cafe with some great choices and i am off to purchase a raw food recipe book too :)

i want to learn to make some raw food crackers, and cookies for the kiddos. i feel like i am losing the weight now and can finally be a bit less extreme. i want to splurge a bit more here and there.

last night i had pasta with a ton of saute'd veggies and marinara sauce with goat cheese :) i loved it! it was wonderful!

i need to enjoy cooked foods in my diet...and i know i can properly combine them now, so i did not feel 'guilt' over eating that pasta. it was all properly combined, with the exception of the cheese, but i had to have some :)

i think that i am going to give myself my splurges on my P....as a cycle of comfort and ease up to be a bit more gentle during that time :) ...it just feels right for me.

MOTHERS DAY AFTERMATH - LAST DAY OF FRUIT FLUSH

yesterday was mothers day :) a lovely day indeed. we woke up a bit late and hurried off to church, so without my usual breakfast smoothie, i guess you can say my first meal of the day was at around 1 ish, and it was a sapporo beer (yowza) and a big gigantic 'asian invasion' sushi roll !!! filled with veggies, crab, deep fried shrimp, avo and wrapped in the nori and covered with rice and more avo :)

on next to dessert about 4 ish...with david at arrufo's. we had a coffee liquor with 3 different alcohols (liqours) and a chocolate mouse cake. i almost felt like i was going into some type of diabetic panic about a half hour later! and to top of the day....pizza from tj's. it was veggie at least. ugh.

so you can say this weekend was a big 'blow it' weekend for me....however, i enjoyed every bite and am not going into 'beat myself up ' mode :) it was an emotion weekend from the stand point of the horrible end to the rift with my dad...and i really could not focus on the feeding the kids, my emotions and the celebratory kind of restaurants we ended up at. it was all a bit overwhelming and i got really off task. however, both friday and sat morning i did have my green juice and today i am doing a 'flush', and back on task.

last night i had my smooth move tea with a whole lemon squeezed in it and it was so delicious. i also indulged in a tbl of almond butter with real raw honey on apples and raisins mixed in, to aid in my 'morning cleanse'.

i am on day 2.5 of my P and i am happy to report how light it is. the first 2 days have been really light and no discomfort at all. today i am having some cramping here and there,(actually the heaviest of all) but nothing too bad, a little fatigued, but i am doing my juicing all day til dinner when i will have a huge romaine detox salad :)

i enjoy eating this way so very much. i feel better and my skin is becoming so soft and my eyes are starting to brighten. i have been 75% raw for almost 2.5 months now. i have no desire to go back to the sad diet. i love feeling light and losing this weight.

saturday afternoon was interesting. my 'honeymoon' jeans which have fit really well lately but still a bit too tight to button at the waist (that part of my body is not releasing as quickly) was tight in the am, but by afternoon i was buttoning them just fine. :) ???? what gives? how funny huh?

after a dinner of a veggie burrito and that horrible detestable 'tea room food' ack - i was needing to unbutton them again. over all i can see the change in my body now :) i am just hoping to hit this hard with my bday coming up!!! my goal is to be able to fit into a size 6 very comfortably at that waist. i am a size 6 every where else...right now, but my hips! they are still out of proportion for my body...but i can see some definition in my arms now :) i am so motivated to keep up the good work i am doing.

my progress:

more energy
better mood
happier
clear headed
better body image
softer skin
no bad breath
losing weight
younger feeling
younger looking
healthy example to my family/children

DAY 12 of fruit flush

started my period today. the last 3 days has been an emotional rollor coaster for me. irene and my dad admittingly kept grandma thelma's gift from me for weeks without even a phone call. to summarize i wept very hard when i found this out and it grieves me to the core. i wrote all my feelings out and sent them off. my dad hung up on me and told david, 'he is done' and ranted on and on about he is the victim in all of this.

ugh. any way. deep layers of emotions surfaced and today i get my P. great. so - i have not stuck with the fruit flush as per jay robb's instructions. i have my jp smoothie with fruit in the am and i love that. i also have been making a nice green juice in the am with cucumber, celery, apples, spinach and romaine....had it today and yesterday. i also caved in and ate a snicker doodle at borders after the emotional day i had.

today i took hannah to 'tea' and i am feeling it now. white bread, sugar, sugar and white bread. it tasted wonderful but i am feeling an exhaustion i have not felt since i was on the sad daily.

this is just a wonderful reminder to me to keep eating raw/veggies and fruits.

i am not sure how much in pounds i have lost. most of my 'prewedding' clothes/pants are fitting everywhere except the hips/waist. i have yet to get them feeling really good buttoned. i am losing weight every where else...but the hips and waist/mid section is taking its sweet time.

irritating. i am keeping on tho. i am learning to say ok, so i ate a cookie last night....i just went right back to eating great today...minus the stupid tea. NOT worth it. sugar and white flour is truly the devil. i feel it now. i just wanna take a nap.

i have my P but no cramps. a little moody, but not as bad as before raw.

took a great bike ride today with david and the girls up to 19th and over to starbucks where i had a nice healthy fruit bowl.. this after a morning of smoothie, green juice, and water :) wish i would have not had that tea...but i was not planning on it, it was the only thing on the stinky menu that they were serving since it was 'mothers day weekend', and i had promised hannah and she was so excited, so i could not back down and we paid 22 bucks for white bread slathered with cream cheese and some god aweful stuff, a scone with all the trimmings and cookies. ugh. i was really bummed. but it was for the experience with my daughter on mothers day weekend. so i can justify.

i enjoy having that one meal a week where i just don't think and eat what sounds good just for the emotion of it...sheer indulgence to me now :)

plan of action for my period this month...plenty of green juice every day...lots of fruits and vegg's and some grains too :) also exercise daily ..... hopefully and weeks end, i will not feel like i did last month.

Day 8 of fruit flush

well...there has not been much time to keep track of this flush...so i am going to pop in every few days to report my progress. not sure the pounds i am losing here, but to be honest, i am past the point of connecting with a number on a scale for my confirmation. it has moved beyond that for me. i am focusing on how i look in the mirror, how my clothes fit, and how i feel over all every day.

my energy has finally perked up! i am feeling light and wonderful. i am eating fruits all day now with ease, at first it was a struggle...i have eliminated grains but do crave them from time to time. i am in a rhythm of my jp smoothies with bananas first thing in the am....i am loving watermelon, berries, apples, and fresh squeezed oj...yum. no nuts, or lara bars, but i LOVE my big salads for dinner. usually hardboiled egg whites, red onions, cucumbers half an avo, toms, over romaine with a low fat vinaigrette or annies low fat honey mustard dressing. about 3 nights a week i make fish and have some cooked veggies too :)

i am not about 'being' a 'raw foodist' or being a 'vegan'. for me this is about healthy cells. making them, and keeping them clean and healthy. it is about feeling beautiful from the inside out. i am turning 41 and i know i want to look a certain way by then...i have 25 days to get there....and i am a good path. i enjoy eating this way and am feeling to good to ever go back to being 'sad'. {standard american diet}.

this weekend we were invited to celebrate dona's bday and i did have a small slice of chocolate cake with butter cream frosting. it was ok. i enjoyed the few little bites i took and knew that i was 'breaking' bread with others, in celebration of the occasion. the next day, i was back on track :) it is that simple for me now :)

i can feel the healing coming up from within me. i am beginning to love living again. :)

day 4 fruit flush

yesterday i ate fruit til dinner....around 4ish i had a big bowl filled with cucumbers and tomatoes, drizzled with lemon and a little sea salt. ;)

the day brought some emotions up...i was pretty wiped out by 5ish....i fell asleep on the couch with noise and commotion all around and actually slept there for a few hours!! omgsh.

this morning has been better :) i got in my 45 min walk with murph and the girls...my energy felt 'ok' this morning....and when i returned home i was a bit weak. i am working hard on making smoothies that are not full of calories....the coconut milk, dates and bananas can add up and while i am 'losing weight mode' i need to watch it.

this morning i was finally able to 'release' the pent up stuff that was inside and i felt a bit better...i need to drink that smooth move tea each evening from now on. i have been pretty gassy and the fruit has not 'filled me up' and by noon time i am pretty much OVER eating fruit! i keep telling myself to NOT give up. i want to make the most of this time. the most of this month. i have omitted beans and grains and nuts too....and i am strictly doing the fruits and a big salad with 1 whole or half avo each evening :)

today i had:
jp smoothie with water, frozen strawb's (organic) jp fruits, flax seed
pear
smoothie with 2 ice cube coconut milk and about table spoon of coconut flesh blended with banana and water


wow....i am detoxing more today than i have all 6 weeks!! whoohoo! i am thankful that i kept at it. it has taken me about 4 whole days (been at this since monday) and coming off last weekends retreat, where i ate well...and food combined almost every meal - but i am releasing alot of waste and all day yesterday i felt like i had a brick in my lower colon area...i hope to release as much as possible. i think the coconut helped this morning.

for dinner i plan on omitting the avo since i got plenty of fat from the coconut milk (it wasn't 'fresh' but canned from tj's which was 50% less fat) and i froze them into ice cube trays and am placing them now in my smoothies when i want to use coconut for daily fat.

i feel as tho i am getting a handle on this way of eating. until i release all of my body fat, i am going to stay on a low fat 75% raw diet. nuts and seeds are pretty much out...as is other higher fat raw foods.

DAY 3 of FRUIT FLUSH - emotions

today i am having quite an emotional breakdown. i am frustrated with being a mother, i feel totally unappreciated and disrespected...of course by the boys especially. all of my 'external issues' are really plaguing me today and i am beyond emotional.

i am also very sore from my daily walking/bike ride from yesterday etc. i feel a bit depleted and the need for 'rest' and 'food'....something substantial to eat other than fruit all day. i feel bombarded today with life....i have had one thing after another happen it seems and i am really exhausted.

i feel selfish for feeling this way...but i also feel like i need to focus on 'me' a bit more. i have weeks where i never leave the house monday thru thursday - because of the kids....that gets to me! i need time away from the kids....

morning:

45 minute walk with jogger
big smoothie : 3 coconut ice cubes, 3 dates, 2 banana's, water, 3 jp fruits, water
handful of blackberries
pear
kiwi
cucumber, tomato salad
dinner was a whole avo and a whole egg with one egg white (hardboiled) over romaine and i sprinkled red onion over it all. it was very satisfying.
for dessert i had half of the tj's dark chcolate bar

david, the boys and i watched ai, and then 'talked' about the issues of them having better attitudes etc.

i was asleep by 11:30ish...which was not what i had hoped, i hope to be in bed by 10 from now on and am working towards rising by 6am, to do some yoga and stretching....

i am also very much over watching TV (with the exception of monday night the bachelor and some greys anatomy on thursdays) other than that, to be honest, i am feeling a need to 'detox' the outside world of all things 'negative' as much as possible. it is my goal to be in bed by 10 with my bible and david ...and some smooth move tea :)

day 2 of FRUIT FLUSH

I am doing good....yesterday i ate:

coconut, banana, date smoothie (water only) with jp fruits and flax
half of melon
another smoothie

dinner was great, salmon, romaine salad, cucumbers, carrot sticks, brocolli steamed, and grilled onions with saute'd mushrooms.

i ate til i could eat no more and was not hungry the rest of the night.

this morning i made the mistake by weighing myself. the scale shows that i am still at 135 at has not budged. i find that really confusing. however, this weekend, i did eat more than usual...pasta saturday night, breads, and boy am i feeling it this week. i am really bloated and feeling like i have to 'go' more than i am actually releasing.

hopefully this fruit flush will help me to lose enough to fit back into my pre-wedding clothes. that would be awesome. i can zip them all up, but my waist is still very thick and my belly has all the fat around it.

my belly fat has been the hardest to lose to thus far, this side of forty. i am not giving up. i am giving myself over to this way of eating 75% raw and fruits all day til dinner. i just feel better...i feel lighter, i feel happier. i know i may be losing slowly, but i will get there...it may take me a few more months...

i feel like this weekend, even tho i was eating 'good', i was not eating the way i usually do to 'lose'...so i am back on the wagon for the next 13 days....and flushing this all out.

WEEK 6 GOAL COMPLETED - FIRST day of 14 DAY FRUIT FLUSH

today marks my last day, my '6th' week, of my 'eat to live' journey. wow. what an adventure of change i have had. i have saturated myself in learning about what my body needs....my own 'truth', what is working for me, and what isn't...

*my skin is soft and supple
*pounds lost/inches lost
*no more dandruff
*amazing energy when not on or after period
*sleep well
*no more indigestion
*more mellow and happy
*not sore after long bike rides or walks


and i have lost a bit of weight too :) i do not know how much weight i have lost total in the last 6 weeks. i got rid of my scale. but i have lost quite a bit being and i am *just about* there with my pre-wedding clothes. i am a bit bummed that i have not lost more. it seems like i am on the slow end, and my metabolism is sluggish, but i am losing and that is great. i weighed upper 120's when i married david....but my goal is just get the body fat off and see where i end up. i truly do not even know what my 'natural' body weight will end up at. but i do hope to be around a size 2 with no rolls any where.

i have learned that there are 2 ways to approaching food. the fearful way, or the healthy way. i feel safe with food now. i have found raw food to be my favorite way to eat...i feel *refreshed after eating raw, and have lost all cravings. i no longer depend on coffee to jolt me into life.

DISCOVERIES:

ENERGY DIPS WHEN ON PERIOD AND ABOUT 5 DAYS AFTER:

as for my energy levels, i am convinced that it is hormone related. my period seems to knock the wind out of my sails...not only during, but after. the aftermath of my periods leave me feeling depleted....so i am going to be diligent in making sure i have adequate iron and b vitamins going into my body every day and perhaps up the foods that give me energy and iron during my period. come friday afternoon, (last friday) i was feeling a bit better, tho that morning i awoke in a fog and was really not good til noonish, when i finally had the energy to start packing for our marriage retreat.

i have learned that i can eat an avocado's again :) i love them with all my heart...and but for the next 14 days i am now on a fruit flush. i am going to eat fruit all day, and a dinner of healthy greens, egg whites (boiled) or fish....:)

*eating out: eating raw and living in the real world takes alot of work and planning and it can be done...but for me, i will remain eating cooked foods probably 25% of my diet. david loves sushi and so do i, so when dining out on our sushi splurge, i am sticking to fish and 'white' rice (brown rice if they have it) only on those nights out to sushi, which we barely 2 times a month if that....at home i am stocking the cupboards with brown rice, seeds, whole grains, (which i am avoiding for the next 14 days)

*cooked peas soup and lentils seem to consipate me.


SMOOTHIE RECIPES:

banana, dates, fresh coconut blended with water. yum
coconut water with bananas yum.

DAY 32

very very low energy today. very low. very hungry day...i was hungry all day.

so monday i was 'depressed' and feeling low emotionally. tuesday was better but still low energy in fact i was in bed by 6:30pm.. wednesday felt the same...very tired by 6:30pm. last night i could barely manage to move after 7pm...but was up with david 'in bed' til around 11.

this morning i awoke groggy and feeling so tired. i want to work out and take my morning walks, but i feel really tired. exhausted. very much so. i am researching to see if my symptoms sound like a b12 deficiency, or low iron. ??? i don't think so...but today i am cloudy headed and very tired. simple things are overwhelming me.

i am tired of living this way. i just want to feel good and be a happy energetic mommy/wife again. i am wondering if i should put more meat into my diet. is this a protein thing? am i getting enough?

having chocolate cravings today....want to lay down and take a nap. it's 1:55pm and i am so ready for bed. also, i am very hungry today. i want to EAT...like heavy eating. fruits and salads do not sound appealing.

diet:
first thing this morning i took flora iron with a handful of grapes
fresh juice of beet greens, 3 apples, 1 lemon, romaine, 1 whole cucumber.
banana
5 almond stuffed dates
1/2 of a 1/2 of sprouted bagel
cup of veg/lentil soup (canned)
salad with hard boiled egg and one egg white, cucumber, 1/2 avo and toms
greens and black smoothie with almond milk, stevia, half banana

DAY 31

today:
water
smoothie: jp, fruits, 1 T ground flax , 8 oz of almond milk (unsweetened), froz. organic strawberries, half banana, 1pkt stevia
2 apples with T of honey
T raisins
watermelon 1/2 small
sprouted tortilla with black beans and half an avo
bowl of butternut squash soup with about 4th of avo stirred in
half glass of G&B smoothie with nut butter and dates, stevia



some of my recent emotional connections and realizations have come at 5 and a half weeks raw.

i summarized: (kids are napping and time is short)

whole foods (good for you foods) are nourishing me. i am in a healthy place now. i no longer need 'my old comfort foods' to give me that temporary fleeting comfort/happiness.

whole foods are 'life giving' to me. they fill me up. they nourish me. being mommy made me forget about my needs, and i came last. so i would fill up on the left over's, or the crusts. but now, i realize that taking the time i need to nourish my body with a chopped veggie salad, or a wholesome soup is 'filling me up'. so 'good foods' have become my friends.

physiologically:
tea room experience: my body craved wholesome foods after that meal of white bread, tea with sugar and scones. i barely ate 2 bites of the cream cheese laden cucumber white bread sandwich before i felt nauseated and my head began killing me. the ride home was torture until i pulled into ecco (my health food store :)) and was able to give my body the veggie rolls with brown rice....as soon as i got good healthy food into my system, the low blood sugar, shakes and head ache, sluggishness went away within minutes.

social eating;
mainstream eating was also a way for me to feel 'loved and accepted'. if i ate what was placed on my plate as a young girl, it made me feel loved, accepted, and 'good'. if i did not finish all of my food, it was a 'bad' thing. by the time i began my eating disorder (starving myself) in high school, i was told to 'eat' 'stand on the scale' eat'..

everything about food for me has had strong negative or positive emotions. going raw has helped me to find my truth....myself. my voice. this is what is right for me. this is SAFE and this is what i need to feel filled up and whole. i no longer care what others will 'think' of me. i am letting go of their expectations of me. i cannot apologize that my being healthy and eating 75% raw makes them feel inferior. i no longer downplay who i am in order to make others feel better. it's their deal to sort thru. i release other's opinions of me.








******************************************************************************

you know that you have reached the other side when you can sit side by side with the others, and they eat their thing, you eat your thing, and you are at peace within yourself. it will be then and there that you have found your own truth.

my prescription for rene;

above all else; commit to 6 weeks.
believe in your self to be safe. and for the duration of the 6 weeks, saturate yourself as much as possible with books, websites, blogs, authors, people, who are do not allow fears to detour you.
be selfish and self centered when you need to be.
learn to say, 'touch my nut butter and i will kick your ass'.
commit to 6 weeks.
tell yourself this is not a 'temporary change'

DAY 30

my plan of action/goal will be to follow natalias eating level 1, green smoothies every day/every other- and or smoothies daily...and follow all day with only raw :) i know i am up to this now since the last 30 days have been a great starting point for me. i am going to try to keep to a raw 'low fat' diet...but i am going to incorporate iron rich greens (beet greens and dandelion greens to my daily juicing :) :)

i cannot wait til my 41st bday after a whole month of total raw.

for exercise i will try to do about 20 minutes daily of cardio, walking or the elliptical, with light weights and LOTS of sit ups/yoga ...
. :)


am green tea - echinacea (yogi)
COOKED-egg white (one yolk) scramble with red bell peppers/brocolli

later, a bowl of berries
water

chopped veg salad
b&g smoothie, 5 dates, stevia, ice, flaxground

COOKED-pea soup
larabar
1/4 dark chocolate bar




i honestly cannot believe it has been 30 days. i have been caffiene free, sugar free, white flour free, processed and refined free, meat free, and dairy free for the equivalent of a month. and i am not ready to go back to 'mainstream' eating. when i break down the pro's and the cons to this new lifestyle for myself....i would have to say that i am realizing prior to my period- the week of and the end seems to be hard for me.

right now i have somehow managed to get a pinched nerve along the left side of my neck. it is resonating all up and down my left side. leaving me pretty exhausted and with a headache. last night i layed down in bed around 7ish after david got home because i was pretty wiped out yesterday.

i am guessing that my period and the fact that the few days of the heaviest flow i did not have an appetite and i ate too little, compounded by the fact that i ate tea room food and almost had a sugar melt down after ward.

these are all reminders to me about how sensitive my body is to sugar/caffiene (earl grey) ontop of heavy periods without eating all that much.

i am going to up my iron (flora) and iron rich foods like i said i would 4 weeks ago after my last period left me feeling drained like this one did.

DAY 29

wow. haven't been able to write in so long. and my time has been very limited...the time i have online has been spent researching and reading as much as i possibly can.

here is a summary of the last 9 days:

DIET:

mostly jp smoothies in the morning/fruit til lunch

lunch is salads, or nibble on veggies - new fav is tomato, cucumber and half an avo drizzled with lemon juice and some sea salt.

dinner is salads and some cooked soups.

lara bars/almonds/raisins for snacks

*my period came during week 4. it was light the first 2 days...but then hit really very heavy the 3rd and 4th day...trailing off to medium by the end of the 4th day. i NEVER had the usual back ache or cramps. it was still very heavy though and had an unusual 2 days very light, 2 days pow! heavy and 2 days trailing off.... i did have some tiny cravings, but nothing like before

EMOTIONS:

things right now are pretty stressful and my body feels it (davids family/rk/david's paramedic school may not be going thru for us etc). i feel as tho my body has been experiencing an unusual amount of sensitivity to stress. i am not sure if this is still part of the 'detox' process or not...but i am feeling almost a sense of panic again now and then. i am ultra sensitive and feeling as tho my emotions are very raw and on the surface of me. perhaps this all ties into the 'eating to stuff' my emotions - and no i am 'dealing' with them....suddenly. my drug of choice to self medicate (comfort foods) has been taken away and i am left dealing with my real and raw emotions.


WEIGHTLOSS:
i was feeling as tho the scale was holding me back so i got rid of it. i gage my weightloss now by my 'jeans'. i lost a bit of weight finally in my belly area and it feels really great. i am looking forward to seeing what the month of may holds for me in this area...because i feel it is finally becoming noticeable. i am hopeful that by my 41st bday i will be that size 4 or less that i so want to be. i am just about there...fitting into pre-wedding jeans /pants. my body has changed since 3 pregnancy's in 2 yrs. my middle and my hips and that ugh belly flab that just hangs there is the cause of the jeans not fitting. it's all in my middle now. but the good news is that i am losing!!! so i am just giving this thing time and enjoying the process.

EXERCISE:
since i have been on my P i have not really been working out like i was last week. but when i did work out, i had this tremendous amount of energy :) we took a 3 hour bike ride (with the girls, i had emma on th back) and it was mostly uphill (sat and sunday) the odd thing - i had this strength in my legs that i have never had before. also, after both bike rides i was NOT sore the following day !

****

sometimes i have this amazing sense of wellbeing. overall my mind feels clearer and i get so much more accomplished. however, the last 3 days i have not felt all that great and i do believe it is because i have noticed a decline in my appetite. friday i did not eat all that much and that was followed by saturday the 19th, TEA ROOM food with coleen. omg! the morning was crazy and i did not feel hungry, so i did not eat....rushed to the tea room by 2:30 and ate a spinache salad there....but when the white bread tea sands came, i almost threw up! i just could not eat that! ugh. i did eat a bite and began to feel whoozy. also the earl grey and the caffiene started to get to me. i did however eat the scone with some raspberry preserves and regretted it.

i drove home feeling a low blood sugar attack that i have not felt in weeks. i had to pull off at ecco (my new fav health food store in claremont) just to get myself some 'raw' food :) i ate the brown rice veggie sushi rolls and instantly felt so much better :)

i was amazed at this experience. i am a bit bummed to think that my system is that sensitive now and i wonder how i will get thru life when i must eat out at places that do not serve healthier options. :( i think i will pose this question on the raw food forum....

DAY 19 - weight still up to 134-5

ugh.

today i melted down. woke up with minimal energy (when am i going to feel the 'vitality' they all talk about?) and the girls were melting down too. the morning has been aweful. i made the mistake of stepping on the scale and it is still up 134-5ish.

david called and i just freaked out...i emotionally collapsed. i am ready to pull every hair out of my head. this radical change is killing me on emotional levels, energy levels..i am in the kitchen all day long - ontop of taking care of everyone else, making their meals, there i am constantly juicing or chopping or cleaning.

i am so angry right now. i feel that if the scale were going down AND i had more energy and less emotional freak outs, i could look at my progress as purposeful...as getting me some where. but now, here i am thinking i am going to have to see a traditional doctor (insurance reasons because i cannot afford an alternative nutritionist) and have some work done up because i am fearing that i may have a what i feared all along, a thyroid issue or something worse.

why in the hell am i not losing weight? i am soooooooo frustrated and so angry and so OVER THIS! eating 'gerbil food' and skipping the chocolates and the things that make me 'happy' and bring me comfort. going out of my way to be 'good' and eat only what E2L says i should! GOD FORBID i have a few avo's or lara bars or coconuts! sheesh, wasn't the freeking gerbil food minus the calories to 'splurge' on something good for me? i mean, i had only a smidgen of avo and a teeny bit of coconut!

the scale should read down in the 120's, even 129 would make me estatic! i have been working my ass off doing all the right things. i just want to lose 15 lbs! it should not be this freeking hard.

and one freeking question. day 15 i was 131. how in the world does someone gain 4 lbs in 2 days?

you know what... i am sick of the scale dictating my moods. i am tempted to just throw it away. i am beyond myelf with it. i feel as though i should not weigh myself, but instead measure my progress and see inches coming off and measure by my skinny jeans.

exercise:
20 minutes elliptical
with interval squats, while lifting dumbells -upper body

FOOD LOG:

breakfast:
double smoothi (jp) water, 2 tsp ground flaxseed, jp fruits, frozen banana
(out for the day) - took a bag of 2 apples, sm-bag of carrots, almonds, water.

snack:
munched on carrots -
munched on apples -

lunch:
got fresh juice of greens and beets 12 oz from podges
had one small raw 'pizza' from 'eco' claremont health food store
lara bar

snack: apple

dinner:
Roasted veggies over romain: 1 tbl olive oil, fresh lemon and sea salt, drizzled over asparagus, maui onions, zucchini, shallots, mushrooms at (400 for 20 minutes) over romaine with 2 tbl light dressing
tomato cucumber and avo (1/2 avo) salad with sea salt and lemon

dessert: 2 70% dark chocolate squares

DAY 18 -----GAINED WEIGHT????

emotional today....physically feeling ok.

so here we are....last night i stepped on my rickety old dial scale and it said i was up to 136!!!

this morning, after my walk with the stroller and murph, i showered and stepped on the scale again naked, (last night i was naked too) and it read 134. any way, i am not sure if i am pms'ing and retaining water or what. i did have some sea salt last night with my soup.

but here is my theory: the first 2 weeks i was strict E2L. then i found avo's, lara bars and coconuts, agave nectar, and i am wondering how in the world i ate enough to get a 3 to 5 lb gain? in 2 freeking days?

Last night i had another irrational emotional breakdown. i was overwhelmed and tired yesterday, feeling hungry...very very hungry. and today i am very very frustrated that i am apparently 'over eating enough to gain weight' and yet, feeling faint (both today and yesterday on my walks - ears popping sensation) not 'low energy' just weak in the am til i have my smoothie.

i am committed to keep myself away from the fatter stuff. even tho they are 'good calories and good fats' i am going to focus on just going raw all the way (pavlina's blog is helping) and staying the course.

i am upping my work outs too. morning walks and a 20 minute elliptical later in the day. 2 adays are good way to work off my extra weight.

i found this quote interesting and profound on pavlina's blog and i want to keep it within reach to remind myself of my 'real' feelings towards my food desires:

"When I first looked at the breakfast potatoes that Erin, Kyle, and Emily were eating, they looked pretty good to me. But after I assembled my giant fruit collection, I forgot all about the foods I wasn’t eating. I also began to notice that my attraction to the potatoes felt more like an addiction than a real need to eat them. The fresh fruit appealed to me in an entirely different way. With the potatoes I felt like I wanted to have them in my mouth, to enjoy the salty-oily taste and smooth texture. But with the fresh fruit, I felt like I wanted to put those foods into my body, to feel their life-giving energy inside me. The part of me that desired the potatoes was different than the part of me that desired the fruit".

for my goal of weightloss, i am going to be steering clear of agave, and using avo's only once a week. stevia will replace my need for sweetener.

FOOD LOG:
water 16 oz
jp smoothie DBL- water, banana, flaxseed 2 tsp, ice, jp fruits (2) echinacea capsules (2) stevia
water
split pea (my homeade) w/ one slice of ezekial bread toasted
chopped veggie salad with lowfat honey mustard
cucumber calif. rolls (no soy sauce)
sumi salad (about 1/2 cup)
2pc's of 65% cacao (hershey's)

EXERCISE LOG:
morning walk up euclid with jogger and murph (appx 40 minutes)
17 minutes on ellipt (level 1 and 2)

*i am beginning to feel that a 'label' is not what i am after. i do not want to get caught up in 'i am a 'this or i am a that'. i love the approach that natalia rose takes to life and eating, 'i eat what i what, when i want it'.

i think i am just getting so impatient with my extra weight and with my bday coming up...that i have been feeling a bit frustrated because of this 'drastic change' in my diet. i think i am anticipating my body to just 'kick it in' quicker than it is.

so, ok, this week i had a set back. and i have been feeling very hungry as well. i wish i had someone to bounce all of this off of. but i don't...and i am frustrated in my struggle to find what works for me. was my initial weightloss just water and normal for a 2 week first time out? i really was hoping to lose more weight. i am realizing after all my research of other bloggers who keep tabs and record like i am, that we each have to find our own groove. i have also learned quite surprisingly that many vegans AND raw foodists actually gain weight over time.

it is looking as if, dr joel f is right. the most simplified, unrefined foods are the ones to keep weight down and lose. is my scale off? or did i gain? did those few little bites here and there really overcompensate for the noshing on fruits and veggies all day? i mean c'mon!!! one avo only has appx 300 cals, and i have been only having half, and that was maybe just 3 days this week...IF that!

larabars worked great when i was on the road and needed something, as well as my almonds. and here's another downside...this way of eating can not only get boring but it disturbs me on a deep level that i have to make 2 dinners, one for the family and one for me.

can i survive on this way for the rest of my life? or the next 3 weeks? i feel as though i should keep going and add a 7th week, due to this set back. i was sure i would be in the upper 120 range by now. but no. i gained and am back to where i started. crazy and really makes me sick.

i am so stuck. i am stuck in the 130's and i hate it. my stomach fat is aweful and i have so much fat on my butt and thighs. i can see a small difference in my upper arms and my ankles...and i can almost get my skinny pants to button...but it is too tight and too uncomfortable.

i want something drastic. i want to just get this fat off once and for all. i am NOT at peace with it anymore. and deeply disturbed that i am gaining weight.

DAY 17 -

scale is off, so not sure how much i weigh today. last time i was around 131.

so this morning i walked with the girls and murph, but i felt a bit winded and weak .... i sweated alot though, so that made me happy.

FOOD LOG:

jp smoothie with froz. 1/2 banana, flaxseed, jp fruits, echinacea, water
smoothie with frozen blueberries, 1/2 banana, real coconut carved from inside of shell, froz strawbs organic and water.
32 oz water
made lentil/portabella soup had a big bowl
still hungry
tofu burger on toasted ezekial bread with mango dressing
6 bites of austins brownies
large cup of b/g's with agave and almond milk

so, i was sipping on water and it was time to get going to austins track meet. so i throw the kids in the car and roll into juice stop where i get austin a banana and a carrot apple juice...while i am there i decide to get me and the kids one too. i got one with beets...

so off we go to the meet. i am fine and not hungry until we head for the car at around 4:45. suddenly i am starving. i am STARVING. head ache hungry big time. i am sipping on my water and trying to be ok.

i make it home to start my soup and i munch on some veggies in the meantime...but i am getting so stinking hungry!!! so now i have polished off one big bowl of my mushroom lentil soup and i am still starving! what gives?

ok, last night i had a few sips of chianti and some 'white' artisan bread...a few bites of pasta too...i have noticed in the past that on nights i consume alot of 'white' food and/or alcohol, the next day i am famished. there has to be something to this.

sugar thing? i am willing to bet. ugh. all i had was a small little bit of that and that. and today it sucks to be me. i am freeeeking hungry.

DAY 16 - tuesday - week 3

ok. i am obsessed. i joined 'give it to me raw' yesterday and i am so excited. i have found a 'new' thing for me...and it is wonderful. i am getting healthy and being inspired by others. a little community of goodness..right here on my couch, as i sit and sip my green juice....yes, i said green juice! i have found (made up) my own recipe for a green juice that i love and is out of this world.

today i juiced a whole pineapple and some raw coconut too..oh it was divine. hannah helped in the kitchen and we drank the golden goodness down. david was home for lunch and feeling a bit 'tired' and run down...so you know that i just had to whip some up for him too. GOD FORBID i allow any more sickness to invade my family or my home. i will not go down without a fight!

ok...so for my green juice.

1 -3 stalks of kale
2 -3 bunches of romaine
3/4 or so of cucumber (so good for our skin)
1 apple
1 pear

and yum! i am so happy! i feel like a real bonifide 'raw'foodie' now. i have a green juice i can sip and sip and not want to barf.

:::update::::

about one hour after the green juice, i notice my nose is running...(?) odd. i haven't had any dairy...so i wonder if that would be a detox sign or not.

also, my scale is off because one of the kids readjusted the dial and this morning i almost pee'd my pj's when it said i lost over 6 lbs...(just from yesterday). i had to make sure it was not 'off' and sure enough it was. sooooo...hmmm....bah!

i am not sure how much i have lost to this point...i have a feeling not much since the weekend i was off a bit (camping food). this week was suppose to be my week for 'hitting it hard' but tonight we are taking the boys to mac grill!!! (can you say B-B-B-BREAD!!!) oy vay. i hope i can resist. (we are celebrating austin's being invited to the london talent show and owen made gate) i am trying to do only fruits and veggies this week. fruit all day til noon, smoothies and green juice...and than soup or salad for dinner. i am not doing beans or lara bars or nuts this week....i just want to see if it makes a big difference for me.

ok....so far today my food journal is like this:

smoothie jp (with echinacea and fruit capsules) flaxseed, froz. banana,water
pineapple coconut juice
sweet green juice
water
broccoli cabbage with mango salsa and mango chile dressing
veggies with mango dip (fresh and easy)

challenge: dinner out at mac grill...
i ordered the scallop salad but had about 9 bites of the bread dipped in o.o., some sips of chianti, a few bites of pasta with alfredo sauce...one shrimp, and about tblspoon or so of chocolate ganache.

i did 'ok' tonight considering the temptation. i didn't go crazy i just took nibbles and enjoyed myself. ironically today carol alts email was about 'cheating'.

But here's the key to making this work, Shelbi: You have to write down what your cheats are and how often you can eat them. Otherwise, you'll be making exceptions left and right. Your mind will finds all kinds of ways to bend the rules ("I'm on vacation, so I get extra cheats," "I forgot last week's cheat so I get two cheats this week," "I said chocolate chip cookies would be my cheat but chocolate cake has almost all the same ingredients as chocolate chip cookies and boy does that cake look delicious," etc).

So be clear when you're writing out your "cheat sheet" to specify exactly which foods, exactly how many times a week. That way, when your mind churns out reasons to cheat more than you originally intended, you'll be onto it - and you'll be less likely to fall off the wagon.

Carry your cheat sheet with you so you can refer to it whenever you want. It will remind you of your true intention when you're feeling tempted.

The truth is, once you know that it's okay to cheat every now and then, it makes sticking to your guns much easier. It's total deprivation that usually does people in. And most folks find that they only actually want to eat their favorite cooked foods about once or twice a week. That's totally doable.

So here's your assignment, Shelbi: Write down your cheats and how often you can have them. (And don't go overboard here - once a week is probably plenty.) Tomorrow, I'll teach you which meal should be your biggest and which should be your smallest, with the next step: Stress the right meals!

INSPIRED TODAY TO:

learn to make my own 'raw chocolate'. i found some cool blogs and websites and i am on to learning and mastering this new skill ;)

Raw Chocolate recipes

DAY 15 - MONDAY - week 3 - day one

day 15:
131 weight. wow. ok, so i have lost about 9 lbs in 15 day on this thing. not too shabby. i feel good in my clothes :) i feel 'lighter' and 'healthier'.

i am loving eating this way, but am still a bit unsure what to feed my family at dinner time. i am slowly cleaning out the pantry and buying ww flours, spelt, and organic spices etc. i am going to try 1 or 2 new recipes each week to keep things fresh :)

this week i would like to lose about 4 to 5 lbs more....i am hitting it hard this week. i am also feeling well enough to start exercising more :)

i feel clear headed and productive ;)

ok re-cap....

we spent this weekend camping :) food wise, we took lots of fruits and veggies, hummus and smoothie (naked juice) pita bread, organic instant oatmeal, fruit and nut bars and we did smores.

i don't remember each meal looking back now, but friday night we went for sushi and i asked the chef to create for me a catarpillar roll without rice. he gave me one with thinly cut cucumbers as the binding :) interesting and healthy. i also had miso, and cabbage salad with edamame, water to drink.

saturday: drive to lake cachuma:

breakfast: fruit, lara bar, some almonds, water.

the rest of the day i ate good, fruits and vegg's raw with hummus and pita. avo too. we stopped in solvang and i had earl grey and a delish almond cookie with chocolate buttercream. oh my.

later that night i had 2 smores, with dark chocolate.

that night i awoke with the 'throw up' panic attack, but i breathed deeply til it passed.

sunday:

organic oatmeal with pears
smoothie
coconut (fresh) from the farm stand :)
mixed veggie sandwich, (which was dissapointing) on ww.
half pita with avo guacomole...(about 1/4 cup)

today:

jp smoothie with half banana (organic) flaxseed meal - agave nectar-jp fruits.
half apple

snack: jp smoothie with coconut flavoring, ice, flax,

pear
veggies dipped in guac
(ok, the smell of the organic tortilla chips got me, i had about 5 of them)

THURSDAY day 3 of week 2: DAY 11

FINALLY :) i am feeling better today :) a little 'tired' but not the 'fatigue' that has been following me about. i feel as though i can do some laundry/chores today without that cloudy headed feeling.

i am now happily full after eating about 2 apples, or a nice salad. i no longer feel 'deprived' of anything because i have lost my 'cravings'. i do not have my 2 cups of coffee in the morning, or a 3:30 caffiene pick me up. my mouth loves the 'taste' of fresh, unrefined foods. i enjoy scouring my cookbooks for new 'vegetarian recipes' and reading about how the body works. i also do not have any more nausea when i wake up in the middle of the night :) yay. my stomach feels 'clean'.

yesterdays meals included the green lemonade from NR's book, which i am clearly not ready for...it was much too bitter for me and i could not see myself drinking that all morning. ugh. i got half of it down and had had enough. however, i took her test and i am a level 3 :) which makes me happy. would love to get to a level 2, but to be honest, i am not all that interested in juicing daily right now in my life. it is just a matter of energy, time and expense.

i would rather stay on dr F's plan which is doable. :) i enjoy eating my foods and i will save the juicing for weekend ventures for now. on happier note, i am beginning to feel that 6-7 pound loss :) last night i wore 'the nurse' for D and it fit much better and i thought my legs look slimmer too :) i was feeling much happire in this new body and it is only going to get better.

FOOD:

breakfast; herbal tea red ruby chai, trador joes, with agave
*2 apples
a little bit of an orange
water

lunch:
tofu burger on flax toast topped with half avo
herbal detox tea
water

snack:
lara bar

dinner:




*the tea kicked in pretty early this morning...but after eating the apples (about 15 minutes) my stomach began to hurt pretty bad. i ended up with pretty intense stomach cramping in the bathroom 'going' for a bit. i think i might have eaten an unwashed apple. i don't know. all i know is in the past, the tea has not reacted that way for me.

around 3 ish i became very 'weak'. i think i may have gone too long between breakfast and lunch...i don't know. today has also brougth some food struggles. i really did want to 'eat' today. boredom? emotion? fatigue? hmmm. when i feel 'weak' like this i wonder if i normally in the past have turned to food to comfort me. i bet i have. i know i have.

TO DO:

start taking iron daily (liquid - flora)
vitamin b-12
juice plus

WEDNESDAY week 2 :day 3 DAY 10

still struggling along with severe fatigue and last night i was able to get natalia rose's book 'the raw food detox diet'. it has different levels for individuals in order for them to gage where to begin.

i just read something in her book notes in the back about the raw foods and their powerful enzymes. my fatigue may be an indication that my body is still adjusting and that i am going too fast.

possible causes of my fatigue/irritability/depression:

LOW IRON Detoxing too quickly. last week was my period (atop of having the flu with extreme diet change) and perhaps my iron is too low.

Type of Person	Amounts Required (mg/day)
infants from 0-3 months	1.7
rising at 12 months	7.8
children	6.1-8.7
teenagers	11.3-14.8
men	8.7
women	14.8

i am going to take flora's iron and also up my intake of vit C and iron rich plant base foods.

Type of food	Quantity (g)
Pistachios	14
Cashews (roasted)	32
Whole lentils	57
Chick peas (boiled)	95
Wholemeal bread	74
Sesame seeds or tahini	19
Black molasses	22
Apricots (dried)	59
Spinach (boiled)	125

FOOD:

breakfast:
herbal tea and whole grain flax toast with almond butter


mid morning:
green lemonade juice


lunch:
smoothie (2) jp

dinner: (about 7:15)
roasted veggies with olive oil wrapped in romaine :)

night cap:
greens and blacks with almond milk and agave (with david)

============================================================

i had about 3 wraps and i felt 'full'. i was sustained until about 9:30 when i felt peckish and decided to have a glass of water and the hot cocoa

i also drank some smooth move tea before bed due to not 'going' today.

tuesday: WEEK 2: day 2

not so good today. had a little emotional breakdown and hit a wall with my morning patience. i lost it so bad with h today. the boys were home to witness it which really upset me all the more because i had high hopes of spending a lovely day together. i was thankful to have 'a' here though b/c he took over the morning shift, took in the daycare kids (2 today) and allowed me to rest. i must admit, i was emotionally pretty gone.

my head hurts, i feel irritible and depressed. very overwhelmed by my life and lacking a ton of energy. i am so very frustrated. why am i not feeling better? i feel exhausted, tired and lethargic. i also feel depressed and emotional. and it is not hormones, because i finished my period last week.

i am really becoming concerned that i have underlying issues. i also do not really know the extent of weight i am losing because my scale is off and 'sticks'. i just know that i am in week 2 of this thing and have really committed to it, and it stinks that i am struggling along all this time....

i know that last week i had to take some cold meds and that i may still have a little of this flu in me, but i am still battling head aches and feeling cloudy headed.

MORNING struggles:

my goal is to wake by 6 am and feel energized. i cannot remember the last time i was able to wake up that early and feel good. this morning was a real indicator to me that i need to be ontop of my mornings. i do not have the daycare kids til 9:30 and that challenges me to get up, get us all dressed and take our morning walk, which i love so much. also, i will avoid repeating another horrid morning like today. 'e' was in her crib, screaming her lungs out...which is something new lately for her. 'h' has also been extremely challenging and emotionally i have not been able to deal with it day in and day out as well as i would like.

today i feel as though i have nothing left to give this family. i dread the daily grind of fending for each person in this house. making sure they all have clean socks and underwear (laundry is piled high) and preparing my own food plus theirs is very overwhelming for me as well. i have my own kids and other people kids all day. i do not get enough breaks to make my life as fullfilled as i had hoped at this age for myself.

my creative energy is zapped and i am actually dreading the jewelry class that i am to teach at the end of next month. i am just plain tired. or am i? do i have something else going on ? or is this cleanse just taking more out of me than the average person?

ugh.

EXERCISE: 25 MINUTES ON ELIPTICAL :)

FOOD DIARY:

am til afternoon: jp smoothie/water/herbal tea.
dinner: veggie burger in pita with hummus smear and red bell peppers (which emma LOVES btw now :)) and red onions.

snack evening: sweet spice herbal tea and larabar

UPDATE:

since feeling sluggish still and being on day 8 i have considered some reasons. i am not getting enough sleep and i am not exercising enough. i am going to also incorporate 'natalia rose's' green lemonade in the morning/afternoon, and use juicing as a measure to see if my energy goes up.

the more i read about raw food and it's effects and benifits for the body the more i am inclined to start using my own things here and there and not totally rely on ETL for completing my 6 weeks.

week 2 :: DAY one

136 (?) scale is a bit off....so i am not truly sure of my actual weight. total lost 4 lbs.

i will buying a new scale this week.i have lost according to the faulty scale, 4 lbs. but i am not going to count on that, just so that i will not let myself down if i didn't lose that much in a weeks time. the good news is that my pants feel looser, and clothes seem to fit a bit differently. i have a few concerns. i still feel a bit sluggish though. i was expecting to be bouncing off the roof tops at this point. i am seriously wondering if a) i have a deeper issue, ie, undiagnosed health problem...or b) simply still detoxing due to the vicodin, and meds from the past few years. dr. f's book does explain that for some people the detox process can take up to 2 weeks. i still have a head ache here and there and a bit of depression. also this morning i was hoping to feel up to walking, but i just felt very sluggish. that makes me wonder what is going on underlying. i have spurts of feeling really well..but it is not long lasting.

..i made it through a whole week of no sugar (except for the tiny amount in my creamer) and speaking of coffee, i have lost my desire and craving for it :) the last time i detoxed was in 2000 (?) or was it 99? anywhoo....been a long lonely time :( i still cannot believe that i am doing so well. my scale is off and this week it appears that i have only lost a little bit since saturday. for the most part my food has been alot of raw veggies and fruits, water and herbal detox teas only, (about a cup or so of am coffee, but like i said, i am losing my taste and desire for coffee) salads, soups and quinoa/beans. i carry with me my water, larabars and almonds that i mixed with raisins.

the weekend was a challenge, but i got thru it :)

friday afternoon, my first day out all week....i met rene in laguna at the zinc...and i was expecting to be able to eat more there...but was surprised to see how much cheese and dairy they had on the menu. i chose the vegetarian chili and regretted it. it was too heavy and i had only had a smoothie in me at that point (jp smoothie) and the night before i had taken a smooth move tea. it decided to kick in, not in the morning as i hoped, but early afternoon. so most of my day was running to public restrooms to 'cleanse'. ugh.

saturday we went to visit tanya and the kids at my dads (she is moving to co next weekend) and i did explain that i was doing a cleanse and only eating fruits/veggies etc. and thank goodness i chose to bring my own veggie platter. they went shopping only to get pastrami, bagels and cream cheese .... grrr. my dad wasnt even there...he was off doing some church stuff. (but i will write about that later when i vent about the emotional stuff going on with me). saturday night i had to run to the store to get milk for em, so i decided to run to the 'fresh and easy'...

struggling with 'what to cook', meals, recipes etc....but i am not allowing that to detour me. i am resolved at this point and counting down. only 5 more weeks to go and with all this great info in my head about why this way of eating is just so much better for me, i don't feel at 6 weeks i will want to stop.

:week one: DAY 4 : of six week cleanse

stats:
40 yrs old.
139 lbs
5'4"
size 8 (some 6's if they run a bit big)
eat to live - BEGAN - march 24, 2008


my journey back to total health.

WHY:
to lose appx 20 lbs.
to feel great in and out of my clothes...in front of my husband and at the beach.
better health as i age.
fight off illness
build up my strength

_____________________________________________________________

so i am documenting this 'experiment' and utilizing dr. joel furhmans book and his 6 week cleanse. since monday i have elimated all sugar, dairy, and meat. i am in a state of 'detox' right now...day 4. but i am also struggling with a head cold/cough and a very heavy period.

when i stepped on the scale tuesday morning i weighed exactly 140. this morning (2 days later) the scale reads 138! whoohoo.

i am going to use this blog as a way to keep track of my emotions, and the way my body responds to this cleanse.

i am hoping to use this time, (the next 5 and half weeks) as a way to reconnect with God - as a manner of a 'fast' as well....spiritually there is so much i need to deal with. this past year turning 40 has brought to surface alot of hurts that i have burried and i had no idea how to deal with them. also, it has been a year of anger....i have felt so much anger towards my dad, mom, childhood hurts etc ... grandpas passing, and g-ma's ugly ways....ontop of inlaw issues....well alot of hurts have surfaced and i am emotionally drained.

so i hope to find some peace and renewed strength not just physically, but emotionally as well.

:discoveries:emotional

today i realized how much i have denied the truth to my emotional eating. although i do not have a large amount of weight to lose, i do have 20 extra pounds. .... and it has been since denying myself the comfort of food this week that emotions have come to surface....which leads me to believe that i did 'use' food as an emotional crutch. i love to eat...to cook, to break bread with others...i love it....but i want to use this time as a way to go inward and upward.....and not stuff any more.

i am not sure where this will all lead me...i just trust that God will help me get to the end and that when i get there, i will be healthier, leaner, and more in control of my life.

:discoveries:physical

my symptoms include a runny nose, head ache, body aches, weakness, irritability, depression, cough, cramps (period) lots of bathroom trips, some queezy-ness, sore muscles, exhaustion, and feeling cloudy headed.

::: UPDATE ::::: scary symptoms

around 30 minutes ago, just after eating my lentil and veg soup, my nose and eyes started to run severely...i am sneezing and feeling extremely 'not well' .... just more achy today and thus far today has been the worst of the week! my nose is running continually. i want to find a forum or some place to talk to others. rene thinks i am detoxing too quickly...so perhaps i am.

i thought i would be feeling better by now...but i am feeling worse. much worse.

7:12 pm update...

made some quinou and added it to the lentil veg soup...felt a little better, but hunger pangs soon after....head ache is getting worse. much worse. but the runny nose is clearing up a little. also more new symptoms, cold sweats and hot flashes. ugh.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

UPDATE:

i was able to finally be 'over' my flu by mid saturday. i struggled thru the afternoon with rene with aches and feeling tired...drove home and slept well that night....saturday we spent the afternoon at dad's seeing off my sister and the kids. there was only pastrami and bagels with cream cheese to eat, (even though i did explain to her that i was only eating fruits and vegg's etc) so i am so relieved i took my own veggie platter, and snacked all day on veggies. i also drank a blueberry (naked juice) smoothie most of the morning on the drive out.
that evening i had a little dinner of veggies around 8ish.